Painting Pain

Earlier today, I saw this video of a girl who wrote down her story. All its highs, lows, and in betweens. She then scribbled all of it onto this blank canvas, highlighted the happy moments, and painted beautiful art over the not-so-happy ones. It was inspiring how she took control of her narrative. Like the… Continue reading Painting Pain

4 AM Routine

Thought Maze

Here I am all over again.

Sitting in my balcony, hands trembling as I stare at the dark phone like one would at a venomous snake, rearing its head to strike.

By now I already know the routine, so I again and again I fumble for a cigarette, smash it between my shaking lips, and light it. The first drag always calms down the tremors within me.

I glance at the phone.

Still fucking there, glinting in the moonlight, taunting me. My hand whips out to snatch the phone, and I open it to the fucking play button that I’ve been staring at for the past 15 minutes.

I can feel it for the millionth time. That raging swirl of emotions in the depths of my stomach rising and bubbling into my chest. I can feel the fucking weight of it all over again. The loss, the regret, and the…

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sonder

There’s a certain kind of comfort that exists in realizing that every person around you is leading their own life. That your troubles, griefs and worries are not universal - that the young boy in blue shorts you just passed by thinks that losing his football is the end of the world. I think what… Continue reading sonder

the measurements of loss

loss, i learnt, is a room with no walls a car with no headlights an ocean with no compass loss, i learnt, is the empty sigh after a crowded day and the loneliness that arrives at night i tried to measure loss but instead of finding numbers i found nothing loss, i learnt, can’t be… Continue reading the measurements of loss

Theater

One time I looked at the ceiling of a movie theater and realized that I’m not 14 anymore. My ambitions are trapped in the uniform of a fallen soldier and my favorite color, once a glimmer of hope, is now just another shade of purple. My body feels smaller although it’s older, I’m shrinking as… Continue reading Theater